you can't spend the night you always smell like dirty underwear and my roommates complain
I now officially know the distance between my two boobs is one twizzler.
I feel like I spend my weeks apologizing for my weekends.
you rearended a car with your bike and then puked all over his back windshield. They made BUI's for you.
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
Filthy. I need to be power hosed with holy water.
Would giving a bouquet of flowers to my mother be a good way to say, "sorry you walked in on my boyfriend eating me out"?
im lying in bed trying to choke myself out because being awake hurts too much
I went on a psycho cleaning spree so I feel I've earned the right to spend the day in bed watching porn and eating sausage biscuits. If you bring alcohol you can join me.
All other girlfriends are inferior. You are the chosen one.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I just gotta say that I feel so much better now that I got some. I mean I feel like a normal functioning adult ready to contribute to society.
also I was promised more toga parties by popular media
Just had a small freak out because I couldn't get my bra unhooked and thought I was gonna be stuck in it forever.
She said "Im going to hug you" tried to give me a hickey then said her life sucks and started to cry.
when some dude came up to you and said he didn't like your shirt you just looked at him and firmly asked if he really thought that you gave a fuck.
Randomize
