i saw the 3rd guy i ever had sex with last night and kept calling him #3
thanks for singing to me while i puked last night
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
It's not my theme song, it's my blowjob song. There's a difference.
no, forget the keg and come see this. prego pants here is dunking chicken nuggets into pudding and crying over a cat show on animal planet.
I have the coolest burn here. Everyone is taking my picture. I'm like a celebrity of the burn victims.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
It was honestly like he was directing a porno or something. he kept telling different people to grab other people's boobs, it was all very artistic.
I gave him 3 xanax and recorded the ball drop. He's gonna think tonight is New Years.
Just got our of the shower. I'm standing naked in front of my open windows cause fuck my neighbors that's why
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
We broke into her grandpa's pool at 2 am and I held my underwear out the window on the way home.
we were running around the halls trying to bloodhound search out the source of the weed smell, but we ran into six other people doing the same thing, and they all said they assumed it was us.
I think I had sex with a seagull last night. The window is open and there a feathers everywhere.
I paid for lunch, then he made a bunch of holes in my wall and destroyed my bathroom.
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