wrong asian. never thought that would happen.
Slugs feel like vagina... thought you would want to know
I mean, we do coke and have sex occasionally...I wouldn't call that a relationship.
Drinking vodka straight from my water bottle because of the debate. I just need to forget.
In the pictures there's a flower in my hair and also a lobster, I need those things explained
My roommate has gone Christmas crazy. It looks like Jack Frost came all over my living room. Wanna come fuck me in the fake snow by the fireplace?
Dad just asked me to breathalyze grandma
Soggy bong water carpet is the worst kind of carpet.
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
Nothing says "back to school" like walking in the first day with a hangover
I had to carry him up the hill while he was wearing nothing but knee high socks and a blue glitter sequin leotard.
Why is this not a picture message?
the police dropped me off. that's how my night went.
In the last 3 weeks my drunken adventures have caused me to lose 2 credit cards, one debit card, a bracelet, two purses, and my $500 phone... Maybe i should quit drinking.
Tonight’s your last chance for a danger free blowjob.
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
