Let's start a violent farting gang. We can do walkbys.
Yeah I'm about to go down a waterslide that comes out a 2nd story window. I love college.
Just saw a porn entitled "Nad Biter". Redheads are now forever out of the picture.
gross. I think i'll just donate all my eggs. My children will be incredible, but they're not welcome in my womb
Have to get circumcised. Doctor goes, "On the bright side, you can tell people your dick is too wide."
I wish you could take over my body and feel what my nipple feels like right now
i know you're at the dentist, but this dick pic was too phenominal to wait and i deserve immediate tit compensation
Sometimes I'm jealous of turtles because they can just go to their homes whenever they want by putting their heads in their bodies.
How high are you?
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
The psychic I saw today told me NOT to text the guy I haven't heard from yet since our first date this weekend b/c it wouldn't go anywhere...Miller light said otherwise. Miller light > Cleo
What am I doing with my life
Sleeping with dudes who have peacocks apparently.
I was looking up travel destinations and somehow I ended up reading Paul's first letter to the Corinthians. I need to start going to church high...
If you sleep with another manager before the year is up you'll deserve an accomplishment sticker.
The ONLY reason I am doing laundry is because all my sweatpants are dirty.
I feel like I could have been bitchier and missed an opportunity.
Randomize
