Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
i think i've said "don't judge me" 10+ times tonight... is that a bad thing?
yes
... don't judge me
I just threw up while getting a haircut. I'm never trying to accomplish stuff with a hangover again.
he pretended not to hear me say our safety word. how do you think I feel?
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
You ever got drunk on $5? Cuz it's about to happen
I'll just be sleeping in this laundry room. Come get me at bar close.
I explained to him that me turning straight is a once a year thing. And this boy just happens to be the chosen one.
So is it your turn now to pretend like dating someone else would stop us from fucking?
at that point, I wouldn't blame you because I'd be so ashamed I couldnt even have sex with myself.
Think of the things uve done in the past. And ask urself "have I done worse?" If u answer yes. Its perfectly ok.
Drinking wine while working. Yay.
Just had sex at the YMCA.
We are so productive today.
WHAT THE FUCK I JUST PULLED TWO TAMPONS OUT OF MY VAGINA. WHERE DID THE OTHER ONE COME FROM??
....surprise!
I could not add him. He gets 5 likes on Instagram.
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