oh no, I think we did it in the 'front asshole'
i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
I just saw Sharon Stone's cootch in high def. I think I'll stay gay.
:( I miss blowjobs.
This is probably the strangest conversational segue we've ever had.
Come 10 years my vagina won't look like this. I must cherish it
He's cheating on his wife, and he's judging me for eating McDonalds
DRUNK CANOEING
Please text me if you survive.
LAND HO BITCH
i looked at my phone and realized all i had said to her the entire night was misspelled variations of "NOTHING IS THE SAME" over and over. she eventually stopped replying.
I. Put. Them. Back. We are NOT making a habit of jail visits.
IT WAS SO BIG. I FORGOT GOD MADE THEM LIKE THIS.
Just once I'd like to do blow in a nice bathroom.
I feel like I'm going to shit out a Big Mac
There are grandparents doing keg stands I don't know
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
I kinda forgave him after he laid next to me and rubbed my arm for four hours while I tripped balls.
Randomize
