community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Let's roleplay tonight. I'll be drunken diva and you be sexy sober.
IF that's your way of making me dd then count me out.
we were wasted and he didn't have a condom so he called the front desk and asked for one. They didn't "officially" have them but the night manager happened to have one in his wallet. He brought it to the room with two mints.
i really wish james franco would like my vagina
i woke up surrounded by junior mints. not to mention, there was a huge pyramid of natty cans baracading the door shut. this is why i can't drink alone.
Who faxed a picture of their penis to the office printer?!
she's doing key bumps of parmesean cheese
Do you know who the random guy who just walked in to kiss me goodnight is?
Why Weren't you wearing pants?
because pants are for people with no imagination
I am seriously thinking about wearing a blanket as a cape. So when I pass out tonight the blanket might keep me warm.
I think i'm going to homewreck at this Disney on Ice show.
Gave up on finding an ashtray.... just started flicking it in my purse.
Hurricane Harvey ruined my dick appt. WTF?!
I'll pick u up. I have to buy a new sofa cover anyway. I swear I've never seem a girl cum like that before.
Just found a handle of Tito's in my TV stand
Can't recall when I put that there, but let's goooo
Randomize
