I Bought a bracelet with bible characters and a charm broke. the virgin mary one. Do you think it's a sign?
I just had unprotected sex with a stranger. but i did him wearing nothing but my pearls. so its classy.
ok 1 i realized people actually live in central wisconsin and 2 culvers could be a good place to pick up chicks today
I havnt been this mad since the coche de Los murtos incident
It took my four years to get this degree, and 4 hours to lose it, My parents are not impressed.
I just had a 30 minute fake cell phone conversation with myself just to avoid hooking up with the drunk guy next to me. its like an art form.
He met a random girl on the bus home and decided to go to Spain with her. The blackout decisions are becoming internationally epic. He has work in the morning.
Hahahahahahhajahahahahajajjajahjahahajahahajajahahahajjajajahahjajajajajahahahajjjajajaahhahhahahahahahahahaha dominos taxi
Dude. Her vagina is a blender.
I renamed his cat Jeff last night. Well I spray painted it on him.
TONIGHT IS GOING TO BE A FUCKING BLAST. EVEN IF I HAVE TO SET OFF A BUNCH OF FIREWORKS IN YOUR KITCHEN.
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
I just jerked off in front of my dog to make him jealous of my thumbs. There are consequences for stealing the last cheeto!
I just had to explain to an 70+ year old lady what 'coitus' was. This was not in my job description.
There's a fly in my room repeatedly throwing itself at my window, and I feel it's really symbolic of what I want to do with my future
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