You act like I was drinking alone...I had the entire Verizon network with me
You were so trashed that when you dropped your fruit rollup on the floor, you just sat next to it and cried.
I am so 35 right now. Listening to REM, drinking red wine, and crying over an article about ecstasy in oprah magazine.
I'm not drunk enough to eat silly string
I was informed that last night we held hands while puking on the curb outside the bar.
We just have a real special relationship.
Did you just send me an ass picture with a quote from the lion king?
What are you gonna do about it?
I tried getting kicked out of my favorite bar. No matter what I did, I could do no wrong
good news: smoking weed at school again, quality of life has improved drastically
Thanks for the pic It's going to be lovely dealing with my boner while I'm in a meeting with your father.
I am the fucking FIFTH wheel. How do you think it's going?
Was it your intent last night to burn the house down? With a waffle..
With my son watching me, I pulled down my pants and shit in her trash can.
He wore a t-shirt that had an arrow pointing to his crotch and "DO IT FOR THE VINE" on it.
At least he's honest about how long he'll last.
so i might have slept on your bathroom floor last night...
She woke up, peed in the sink and then passed out again, it's only 2 in the afternoon
Randomize
