He was a level 5 clinger dude i dont need to be told how ridiculously awesome i am all the time, if so id just hang out with my mom
how can i incorporate a boy scout uniform into what i do tonight?
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
is cock-oriented a word? I'd say I'm that lately.
Someone asked me why we were having sex on the porch last night. All I remember is him saying he wanted the recruits to see. This has got to stop.
Honest to god.. She looks better fat. I never would have imagined those words coming out of my mouth, EVER.
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
There was this blissful moment of peace and quiet... then you ran past our window with a lit firecracker in hand going, "SHIT. SHIT. SHIT!"
I can not believe he edited a picture of our three way and made it his profile picture
Their children would look like the Michelin man and smell like chef Boyardee
I just spent 3 hours in the back of an unmarked police cruiser. Best. Date. Ever.
Tim is a child that you physically can't love because he makes it hard for you to even find anything redeeming about him so you debate leaving him forever at the gas station.
This ice cream is 10x better than the sex I had yesterday
They already have a joint checking account. She's got his balls in her purse! What's next, a shared Facebook account?
And by "I love him" I mean "I want his tongue down my throat.
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