i was sitting in the back seat of her car with her boyfriend while she was driving. it was pretty awkward, but i dont think "so my dick's been in your girl's mouth too" was a good ice breaker
I don't know what part of vegas I'm in but its definately the wrong part
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
She's pissed. She declared she was moving out and proceeded to pack 3 pairs of shoes, her electric wine opener and ONE sock. Then told us to have fun paying her portion of the rent.
oh and i'm sorry i sold you for three cigarettes last night
We're playing fucking games. GAMES. THIS IS BULL SHIT. IM GOING TO THROW UP ON THE BABIES AND LEAVE.
did you know that if you have sex in the elevator on the way up that people can still get in?
Yeah well tell that to drunk me. She seems to have no standards or gender preference.
If there was a card that said "I'm sorry for throwing up on your bathroom counter" I would send it to you.
YOU WILL DIE AND I WILL CARVE 'I TOLD YOU SO' ON YOUR HEADSTONE
We broke into the kitchen, stole cooking aprons, and wore them on the dance floor.
Talking to a customer about getting high and staring at glow in the dark wheels while there is a cop in the store. Just another day in Tampa
& he told me that I give the best head ever.. like can I get that on a medal?
I just got his Save the Dave and, to answer your next question, NO I AM NOT GOING TO THE WEDDING OF THE GUY WHO GOT DRUNK AND CAME ON MY CHEST.
"I mean like shit happens" should never be an excuse for anything
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