awww and there was just a proposal on stage with the pussycat dolls !!!!!
Did someone propose they get off the stage?
You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
can we please take bets on how much therapy you'll need in the future?
walking in back of a girl wearing booty shorts, a halter and a bracelet that says trainwreck. I don't get it. The first day of nice weather and all the whores come out, are they like hibernating bears or something?
2pm: Breaking news alert: I think I'm finally sober. Oh, and that place needs hotter strippers.
Def drinking wine from a 4 liter jug at 11 am. If i call you in 20 years talking about 12 steps, please trace is back to this moment.
Also, I threw up on the playground again. I've honestly had more fun there this past summer than I did in my entire childhood.
I know everytime I get my paycheck I'm like "I should probably renew my gym membership" and then I just buy more alcohol
Apparently this is my life now. Fucking men in their 30s with small dogs.
Eating a chocolate bar and crying over a cobweb. Life is beautiful and I love shrooms.
whose parrot is this?
If you ever feel goofy just think of the fact that I just shaved the batman symbol into my pubes
Checking out a dudes' nachos instead of the dude #foreveralone
Something I can get at drive through, boobs out, don't want to get out of the car
I want you to defile me in my childhood bed.
Randomize
