It's always exciting to touch a new boob.
he looked like jesus. just the kind of jesus i would have sex with.
this guy is so high, he just ate half of a frozen blueberry muffin and half of a frozen poppyseed muffin, then proceeded to make a "hybrid poppyberry muffin"
The difference between what I would do for a regular Klondike bar and an Oreo flavored Klondike bar is astounding
This is one of the fundamental differences between you and I. If I found meat in a plastic bag, I wouldn't put it in my mouth.
Great. My funeral dress now smells of smoke and disappointing sex.
Beer Popsicles are better in theory
Damn you and your Monday night power hours.
I can always see lesbian subplot. It's my hero ability.
fond memories of taking my pregnancy test here in this Burger King
You threw up in your own shoe then wore it home
So none of you told me my tits were popping out of my shirt for three hours?
We told you. Repeatedly. You said you made it look good.
His girlfriend left him for the pizza guy. I am not fucking kidding.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
If only he'd realize the fondness I have for his genitals.
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