I don't think he's ever woke up with a paraplegic stripper sitting on his face before.
I guess you don't realize how much twelve bags of chips are, until they're all over your floor.
At what point in time did you think it was ok to jizz in my hair while I slept??
Around the time you told me my brothers dick was bigger.
We have 10 gallons of home brew. And james has an amazonian blow dart weapon that sticks in bags and the wall. Come over
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
You may see me wearing your shirt to class. It's because I still have the spins and I'm anticipating throwing up on it. Asshole.
I've been drinking vodka for the last 12 hours at the beach and can't see straight and have awesome hair.
LIFE IS #1 SOMETIMES
I think my body is literally trying to get me to reproduce. "fuck someone! Anyone!" - my body
I feel like I'm laying on a pillow cloud. With little baby angel fingers between me and the cloud lifting me up. Singing hymns in my ear.
Yeah i was handcuffed to the bed all night but i actually slept like a baby
I feel like I should acknowledge that I see you as a human and not a ragdoll sex object
I just put poptarts in the toaster with the wrapper on, that's how hungover I am.
No I got a fucking mosquito bite on my vagina. Summer is off to a bumpy start.
He had a tattoo of the Batman logo around his asshole. I noped right the hell out of there.
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