Omfg I am plowed. Had drinks with 3 milfs. Going out on their boat tomorrow. They want to show me how buoyant they are.
I think I sharted a yagerbomb.
Dont even try and act like it wasn't you who made the sex tape of my dogs.
you were on ground yelling about how close the floor was to your face.
We have literally factored in $2200 for bail money in the budget. This vegas trip will be out of hand. We are signing confidentiality contracts.
And a psychic told me I was pregnant and I am just so over life right now.
I will be naked everywhere
Its everclear night, yall need carbs in your body!
There's a dead squirrel in the freezer. Is that what you stopped to get out of the road last night?
Captain America stopped by our tailgate. He ate a taco.
I love when groups of boys part so I can walk through. It's like a red sea of penises, and I am their Moses.
im gonna shove his purity ring down his throat
Is there a reason why your pubic hair is a plastic bag on my bathroom floor? And yes I know its yours... You wrote your name on the bag
I should buy myself lingerie for Valentine’s Day instead of a present for you because I am the present
Can I bother you for a second.
You always bother me but go on.
Randomize
