I wish I had a dollar for every time I've slept off a late night I dont want to remember in my recliner.
Im a photoshop master, i successfully reduced the size of the pupils of all the girls I made out last night with to prove they were not that drunk. So glad the camera goes home with me.
dude totally just got the jungle juice out of my white top. i am really ready to be a trophy wife.
And then she said "sorry if my vagina smells like fish, it's just active."
obviously he has no clue about college dating. it goes drunken sex then the 1st date
I'm on strict orders from her to keep sleeping with you until you give her a job next summer.
I really think we need to get on this Charlie Sheen bandwagon
HOW DO YOU GET TO BE A GROWN-UP AND NOT KNOW WHAT A DECADE IS!?
you and him went to the park at 2am to "catch a pigeon" and ACTUALLY CAME BACK WITH A PIGEON
No piss test, hell yeah
FALSE ALARM. PISS TEST. I NEED YOUR PISS.
I broke my foot jumping out of YOUR window under YOUR watch. You failed me drunk guardian. You failed.
She said I'm going to get you stoned and have you fuck me on the couch.
He had a clap on lamp. So every time he was ramming into me, the lights kept turning on and off
he just got here with a handle of tequila and box of condoms. looks like i'll be spending the weekend in bed
What's an appropriate gift to bring to my boyfriend's wife's baby shower?
Shame?
Randomize
