I hate my date so much right now for even thinking I want to do the electric slide.
my girlfriend just informed me I need to get tested and so do you
girlfriend?
So i told my advisor i had to drop the class bc the prof said "supposably" and "irregardless" within the 1st 10 minutes of the 1st class; she agreed with me that dropping it was the best choice
the liquor store lady asked about three times if I was sure about buying two fifths of everclear. i told her I wanted to be on cops
the extent of background information i have on her is minimal, but it will get me in her pants
Its piss that you smell... I borrowed that shirt last week. Sooo, wanna grab some laundry soap on your way home? And good luck on your date.
i'm 6 minutes and 3 drinks deep before she gets here. she's do-able for a wednesday night, but i still need to mentally prepare, ya know?
I woke up and he had cut my bangs and put makeup on me.
I don't care how good they make you look, you've got to stop sleeping with gay guys.
You walked in, sat down, looked at the waiter and said, "I'm only having deserts and liquor."
If you are drunk already, then as your friend I am advising you to stop writing on your dads Facebook wall
Someone broke into my car and stole it then left me $300 to pay for the damages with a lovely note that said "we just couldn't pass up the boxed wine... Sorry about the window."
Just resonded to a booty call with "how much effort is required on my part?" I think I've finally reached the point of smoking too much pot
I just turned down a booty call because I'm having a Star Wars movie marathon
My fire has petered out without you
My Peter has fired out without you
That might be the most romantic thing you’ve said to me, unfortunately.
yeah, my mom got it for me because it had animals AND alcohol.
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