If the Four Horseman of the Apocalypse gang banged each other and had a kid, it would look like the creature I woke up next to this morning.
You probably shouldn't be hiding under someones bed listening to them get head
And surprisingly enough iPhone does not have an app for Russian mail order brides.
i just discovered a movie that charlize theron is a sex addict. i think my prayers have been answered
Its midnight, he's burning water on the stove and keeps yelling at me and telling me not to burn myself.
I'm drinking whiskey outta the bottle trying to earn the trust of some ducks in the yard
Youre on making sure I dont black out around fat chicks duty
knew it was a bad idea. the look she gave me when i left her roommates bedroom in the morning really illustrated that.
Bring beers. The password is "I brought beers" but you can't come in if you're a liar
I FOUND AN AUSTRALIAN THEY CALL VOMMING 'RAINBOW SNEEZING' I'M NEVER LETTING HIM LEAVE EVER
Well, my breasts are swollen and I cried about the Iditarod. But I say PMS until proven pregnant.
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
He passed out before we could have sex. I had no choice but to use his boner to hold my onion rings.
Well when we Get drunk it gets rowdy. We could always attempt self-control. But historically and statistically speaking, we fail at that.
I've been getting a lot of emails from patron lately for being a great customer. Is that awesome, or should I start thinking about seeking help?
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