I told her we could go facebook official. If she ups the oral.
Xanax induced break ups are the best. Since I'm a professional fiancee, I'm going to break up with them on Xanax from now on. It didn't hurt one tiiiiiny bit.
So what's the moral of this story? Aside from 'lesbians hold grudges'?
i think i would be more confident if i were chinese.
Hindsight: maybe I should have included a few transitional texts in between talking about your son and my need to have sex. Do over?
I was so drunk that I didn't realize he was staying at the Waldorf. I walk of shamed the Astoria, do you even know what this means?
Waiting outside the STD clinic 30 min before it opens already in a line up. It's like were all waiting for a concert that no ones really pumped for
Sorry for walking in on you guys last night. FYI I have a bruise on my forehead from having the door slammed in my face. I deserved it.
Now that we both have boys can we make up games that objectify them as sex toys?
javelin tossed one of my crutches in to the mosh pit at the concert, hit some dude in the temple hahah fuck him he sucks
No. Dude. I didn't knoe it eas floibg to move. It's slepprru ixuy!
wtf I can't believe that bar tender told on me to my mom
Perfect. I'll put on my party clothes and write emergency numbers on my arm
Everyone has seen your nipples. It's like asking if they ever walked on grass. You need better hangover questions.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
