Fucking hipsters really piss me off man. They are just such punk as bitches, all of them. Oh, and fuck Ed Hardy too.
Is it wrong to want to cut a hole in the Tigger suit so I can molest you while I wear it?
I swear my cock is like a magnet to my friends younger sisters mouths.
It smelled like mall pretzels. Of course I investigated.
My god. We'll be gay porn millionaires.
The only reason I'd ever want a boyfriend is so that someone would spoon feed me applesauce when I'm so hungover I can't move
Good. We don't answer calls at dick thirty.
It's not really the holidays until I raid the medicine cabinet. Happy hydrocodone to me
And a merry methadone to all
Impromptu road trip to New Orleans for four days of Mardi Gras. I'll probably be alive and back for Valentine's Day plans, probably won't stick my dick in some random either-might be using my free pass you cheating asshat. Love you. Expect random texts & probably a drunk dial or twelve. You did this to yourself. You're not invited so don't bother. Have fun at work.
I imagine my service panda will provide sufficient protection. At the very least it will be an irresistible cuddly distraction while I make good my escape.
We were so sore from having sex that we decided to fix it with more sex. It's the hair of the dog for sex hangover.
Long fucking story. But hey I got an orgasm and breakfast so I'm winning.
About to go make a man out of a 24 year old boy
As I shove my ninth taquito of the day into my mouth...
Picking our battles
Like, I don't need to know your life dude. I just need you to suck my tits.
I just found a contact in my phone named "Nick from The Party". Who's nick?
Randomize
