I'm trying this new thing, it's called standards
is it considered a "problem" when you find a pickle slice in your bed in the morning or is it like a "super-awesome bonus"?
If Andre Agassi did Crystal Meth, what was John McEnroe doing?
on of the only things i remember was the security guard told me i was too drunk for laser tag.
He came on me while singing crank dat like soulja boy, fuck our sex life has reached a whole new level of low
So, I had a dream last night that girls approached guys at the bar and said things like "i would like to pleasure you tonight." No drink buying, no sweet talking or ANYTHING.....it. was. awesome.
you woke me up in the middle of the night to tell me you were taking off your pants and it was not an invitation.
Her life is proof that being a drunken slut will get you places.
I'm just glad you're the only person I can have a "remember when we thought I was pregnant" conversation with.
The neighbor just yelled bring me back that big red alien penis.
The girl neighbor.
Should I be concerned that the new guy I'm seeing just referred to my stealing a sailboat in college while drunk as "wholesome"?
At one point she put on my dads pants and yelled after him EMILIOOOO! Dude, my dads name is Mark.
it's like the easy bake oven version of plastic surgery
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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