I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
i walked in on him listening to enya, jacking off, and vomiting into a cup on his desk. are you serious.
nothing worse than sitting down ready for a solid porn sesh to find out your internet is out. comcast owes me a handjob
You tried to initiate "Occupy McDonald's" when the cashier didn't give you enough ketchup.
Idk we were snorting lines and making out in the stall while these people were cheering us on, on the other side. And that's when I realized he wasn't the only guy in the girls bathroom.
you owe me at least a beer for the services my girlfriend just provided for you
I didn't realize how drunk I was until my vagina was in the snow.
she was braiding my hair and singing forever young while she vommed everywhere at the same time. Talent.
I just had the weirdest moment. Made eye contact at the bar with a girl who has seen my vagina.
See? I told you no boy in roller skates could be entirely straight.
I asked him to make me two boxes of macaroni and cheese. That's like eight servings. How did I think that was an okay amount.
you know you're a stoner girl when you get a callus from your grinder
One minute we were ordering sandwhiches. The next hes peeing in a trash can yelling at kids about how tv made him this way
I walked in on a circlejerk after punching that guy out. Instant karma.
Just a heads up that Dad just brought home a new Porsche and the sales girl he bought it from.
Umm okay. What are they doing?
They’re in the hot tub
Can I get divorced when I grow up?
Randomize
