There is an asian family here, I heard the mom call her son onyong
I love the moment a guy admits defeat against the front clasping bra.
I know I know. I considered playing it sober but after I typed out IS SHE A GENIE? I knew it was impossible to hide.
Woke up on the kitchen floor cuddling with the dummy we made of you. Hope your internship is going well.
I gave him head and we watched Fashion Police. somehow it wasn't awkard.
I'm going to need to borrow your helmet cam for my Wednesday night blackouts.
So I love how we keep introducing our friends to sex toys. It's like pay it forward vibrator edition.
They left me passes out in the food donation bin with an empty handle and a half eaten box of nutter butters
We didn't talk. I watched you drop an egg on the floor. And watched you praise your haunted broom.
THEY NOW HAVE MIXED DRINK EMOJIS! LIFE IS GOOD! PRINCESSES DON'T DRINK BEER
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
Of the past 48 hours, 46 of them have been spent naked. I'd say it's been a good two days.
He was late, on account of he accidentally went to the Al-Anon meeting across the hall, and it took him 30 minutes to realize he was in the wrong room.
I love you but this is the first Saturday I have ever spent at the police station. And where are my boxers?
It was probably bad to sleep with someone just to pet his dog right?
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