11:03 p.m. Whats a lie i you lovn me. Let's cuddle.
with your own penis?
you assured me you'd make it home safe because your pizza rolls were waiting up for you.
I need a horse. I don't think you can get a DUI on a living creature.
he just told me i make him happier than drugs. that's some serious shit right there
Hey. Be honored that I consider you the genital expert. I know alot of candidates for the position.
I'll have my TA grade the tests, she needs something to do anyway. Wanna race to the bar on segways?
Holy shit, you lost your virginity on 11/11/11. Now every time someone fucks you, they can make a wish. Your vagina has officially been transformed into a wishing well.
She pulled vodka outta the dryer and told me to drink it
Man my junk looks like a mangled grapefruit right now, this shit sucks.
I remember puking but I don't remember where. PSA: don't go barefoot around the house
she is legit trying to fuck me to death between her and work i haven't slept in 3 days and have at least 16 hours to go before sleep is a possibility. can i crash at your place she doesnt know where you live
I just had a visual of u banging and screaming at him at the same time.
My last memory of last night was being in a laundry room doing blow and admiring a washer and dryer... I think that's the earmark of old age
I'm assuming you were here at some stage because I woke up alone, clean and in a towel with mum asking my why my shoes, dress and jewellery were in the bottom of the shower.
Randomize
