could you grab mr moo while you're at his apt?
you brought your stuffed animal to a booty call?
The weather is perfect in Seattle right now. Warm enough for girls to not wear bras, but cold enough for me to see them nipping out in the shade.
Is it sad that I find it completely normal that I just took batteries out of a vibrator to put them in a pencil sharpener so I could do homework?
I find this completely acceptable.
Just used the salt in the bottom of my mcdonalds bag from last night on the eggs i made this morning. Way too hungover for this
Im going to need an iv of taco bell after this.
she uses eco-friendly sex toys. she is the literal definition of a hippie.
Just had a horrible realization. I've fucked a guy with a webbed foot AND a guy with a third nipple.
Remember that time we got drunk tomorrow
Note to self: Don't go home with a recent divorcee. Semen and tears.
ever had the feeling "I've been drunk in this bathroom before?" Like De ja drunk?
Hey I can officially say I made out with a drug lord.
Send me a picture of our booze closet. I'm homesick.
No just a list of 20 of my favorite things
Where are penises on the list
Where am I on the list
Under penises
You know what i hate? I hate when the ppl you drunkenly made out with actually want to talk to you sober. It just doesn't work that way sir.
i looked that guy up on facebook. the one who went down on me for two hours
what's the verdict
i've been scrubbing my vag all morning
Randomize
