I want to give my boyfriend great head for his birthday...can i practice on you?
When I start puking tomorrow, just let me be. it'll start around 8:35. just let me heave. i love this part of my morning.
So can we talk about how we all three made out with the bike taxi driver in lieu of paying him. I'm not even mad, that's resourceful. You know what married girls would have had to do? They'd have had to pay.
We learned a lot about one another. I showed him around the town I grew up in and he informed me that he has had a threesome and killed a cat
Drunk life lesson just learned the hard way: do not try to play hump the great dane. He may take you up on it.
Thats like me asking what you think of antisocial polish guys with mysterious rashes
Just found out my rents have been paying my siblings to cockblock me for the past 5 years
Not as covert as you thought huh?
After that song played in the club all he kept drunkenly saying was "Birdman goes brrrrrr"
Note to self: remember to figure out whether melted cheese is a liquid when not stoned
especially when i'm drunk. his dick might as well be made of cotton candy.
I love you man but my hope is that you will not wake me up again by pissing on me
Bro.. I am absolutely going to have sex with our old middle school health teacher
I brought those bastards cookies so they can deal with my sex noise, fuck them and their roommate asses
Just made my first drink, took 2 sips feel like god
Eventually the conversation shifted (as it always does) to Sex toys.
Randomize