When I meet a new girl, I'm terrified of mentioning something she hasn't already told me but that I have learned from some light internet stalking.
We need to rekindle our bromance
i perioded on his leg
on. his. leg.
He washed my hair whilst I gave him head in the shower. Bored or gay?
I've been watching anime, masturbating and eating nutella for three days. I hope she never comes back.
he said i looked like a lion with slutty lingerie on .
Yeah I had to push her down the hallway to the hotel room in a luggage carrier. The guy at the desk told me goodluck
I've never seen a guy eye-fuck someone so hard in my entire life. I thought he would develop laser vision, bore holes into your body, and not even realize your innards would be spilling everywhere. That's how bad it was.
the quiet that you are hearing is a silent suggestion that you should go fuck yourself
Someone needs to fuck me in my slutty pumpkin costume and I would ideally like it to be you
I once took a shot of lighter fluid.. That's not a secret just a fucked up story
Um that's okay I got up on the table at IHOP and terrorized the entire restaurant for a phone charger after I stole the whip cream from the kitchen and started eating it out the can
Saw my doctor at the bar. He bought me a drink. I think he was looking up my medical record on his phone because he suddenly had to go. syphilis continues to fuck with my life
I’m going to bedazzle that dick
What does that even mean
No idea, but I guarantee he’ll get hard every time he remembers it
She dry humped my leg in the raw while I was still dressed, came, and then fell asleep on top of me. All I got was a bruised thigh. 2020 needs to end.
Randomize
