I closed that bar. Sang every Beatles song in the book. Made Somoan friends.
we just ordered 30 dollars worth of french fries...whats wrong with us?
No... We were arguing over whose family is more dysfunctional... Then my brother stumbled in and puked all over jakes ugly dog.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
Is there a card that says "Sorry I got drunk at your Christmas party and tried to steal your monogrammed hand towels so that I could give you something nice for Christmas"?
I don't want the last thing I hear while alive to be Jesse's Girl
Is it possible to have pulled a muscle in my neck from passing out with my head in a bucket?
I just remembered that he had fake blood all over his face last night. I woke up with it all over my dick. He was 50. Please don't judge me.
She is the epitome of a puke & rally. She picked a random hott guy at the bar & made him pinky promise not to leave while she took a power nap. She went & passed out in her friends car & apparently puked just outside the bar. She stumbled in & found the randome guy again & claimed she was golden. Made it to the after party & stayed up til 6 doing body shots off every girl she saw & hooked up with the random from the bar. I love her life
I had a dream I gave a blow job to a guy whose dick forked off into two. I'm going to spend the rest of my life confused.
I'm trying to get WebMD to diagnose me with a hangover
Like Is it appropriate to tell your boss you banged a guy in the back of a truck at a wedding? Probably not.
I come home to my brother mixing skittles and vodka. We're all proud of him.
andy told me i got kicked out of the bar and was so drunk i forgot and got back in line. the bouncer was zero impressed
QUIT BEING A BITCH, DRINK SOME PEPTO, AND PUKE ON OUR FOES
Randomize
