Hey it's Austin.
I am not drunk enough for this conversation.
i'm out of smokes so i just had an after sex popsicle. this might become an addiction.
bruce springsteen sings some of the most romantic songs i've ever heard.
the hells wrong with u
don't you miss freshman year when you could get away with "but i've never given a bj before..."
Just found my toeprints on the glass of his sunroof.
We don't need a hotel, we'll just sleep in the post office.
I'll report later on the progress of the mountain orgy
I am nonfunctional stoned. I had to ask ben to put me somewhere away from all the people I'm sitting on someones bed watching a wall. Not alright. Should not have come.
I'm drunk in a field. the chupacobra is going to eat me. if I die serve vodka at my funeral.
Btw he dated my mom. You're Eskimo siblings with my mom. Good job.
Remember when we used to go to the bathroom to do drugs together? Now it's to help you with your spanx.
She just spat tequila at me... Like a fountain... A broken fountain
I was sending him tit pics while watching how to train your dragon 2. It was everything.
The Easter sex puns were too abundant
I teamed up with my vagina. I compromised his morals and then she corrupted him for good. It’s been a very successful and slutty partnership
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