I tried to use my car keys to open my door
I just started a sentence with yellow.
That chick was all over your bacon last night, grinding on you, I thought you were going to bang her in the club
Dude it was a lap dance
okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
It just hit me that i made out with someone's mom last night
Think they will judge us if our pre drink is a kiddie pool of jello shots?
Text me if you also stopped reading harry potter in the 4th grade and wanna go to the bars tonight instead of the midnight premiere
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Why on earth is he slamming his body into the wall again?
Do you participate in Sunday morning booty calls?
Dammit! I didn't see this message, of course I do.
I can't help the fact that i'm turned on by white boys that look like Jesus
Evvvvvveryone knows we hooked up in the DJ booth. People call it the BJ booth now. I've created a legacy
If I get laid tonight it will 1.) Prove that the sex gods do in fact exist, and 2.) Show that I am one motherfucking badass bitch.
I did crash a prom last night though.. It was fun
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
He thought it would be sexy if he found my clothes and dressed me, and it was..until he found a thong under his bed and assumed it was mine. It wasn't
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