everytime he calls himself the maxipad master i can't help but wonder what costume that would involve.
you dont have to exercise, you threw up last night!
You don't have to be emotionally available for a blow job.
bought some hannah montana deodorant. hope it doesnt make me smell untalented
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
she both took care of me and took advantage of me. it was BEAUTIFUL.
I went up to get a drink from the hotel room. And ended up getting arrested in the lobby. Spring break has not been forgiving this year.
Told my prof I have mono so that he won't judge me when I show up hungover and looking like shit to class every day.
Just skip
Please. i have SOME standards
My mouth is so dry that I'm about to put a straw in a jar of Vaseline and chug. This all addi diet definitely has its ups and downs.
Woke up behind one of the fraternity brothers houses in the grass wearing a guinness hat and aviators hugging a 30 rack box with a zonie on my chest next to a campfire.
I just got the two most enjoyable things in life in one... Weed delivered in bubble wrap.
I told you I missed you and you said you missed me as much as you miss a urinary tract infection. I get it. You're still mad.
I feel like dick that good should always be within a five kilometre radius of me.
what is considered shitting yourself?
Like my underwear wasn't soiled, but there was definitely a departure from my asshole.
Just packed a snack to eat on the way to McDonald's. That stoned.
Randomize
