I just peed in my kitchenbs sinlk. New low- maybe. am i embarrassed? Not in the least
his facebook status quotes britney spears so there is always that
ugh. people who use coupons make me wanna punch a baby.
(917) i just came from walking.
haha you just came from walking?
she met some random, took his vcard, peed in his bed, left, and then requested him as her boyfriend on facebook
Dude apparently i ran into the middle of a half marathon last night and some how won
I was in a house full of lesbians and they were all staring at me. I felt like the last cresent roll on Thanksgiving.
I woke up to a head of lettuce on my nightstand, someones Honda abandoned in my yard, the cat partially shaved, and a empty bottle of sailor hanging by a scarf from the rafters. Oh, and 26 people apparently came though and rubbed my back in the process of the night. Happy 23rd to me!
Rule of thumb; if you ask me if my tits are fake you will not get to touch them.
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I'm sitting in my 10 am lecture drinking a flask out of a dorritos bag...I think people are starting to notice but I'm already too drunk to care
You were crying in a drunken stupor for an hour because "the new daft punk album didn't blow your tits off"
I made out with drunk Joe Dirt and then put his mullet wig on for him. True Halloween romance.
Son of a bitch took my liquid eyeliner
I fished a Couples Masturbation DVD out of somebody’s trash and kept it. That’s how desperate I am.
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