Theres a random in my bed. Omg but at least he's a law student?
Need sex. Gaining weight.
I am now Facebook friends with Donkey Lips from Salute Your Shorts
those are the first brownies ive had since i was 13 that didnt have weed in them.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
There's nothing like sitting directly behind someone you fucked 5 years ago at church on Easter Sunday
Welp just pooped in a garbage can. Guess I'm not better than you at life in any aspect.
My most recent midlife crisis involved eating a doughnut in 30 seconds but taking 5 minutes to do half a shot of whiskey, then deciding I wasn't going to finish it.
oh man that would be weird.. i feel like we should do dirty things before anything super intimate like a massage.
They filled a kiddie pool with lube and glitter.
DICK-CITY HERE WE COME
To be honest. I have two poptarts in my jacket pockets. No one knows. I am pro stealth.
He asked me if I've ever had my ass ate and there was no polite way to say yeah your brother's pretty in to that 😂 I went with "no"
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
For the love of all that is holy just take the tranquilizers Erica
Randomize