No touching my privates on the ride to school. Pinky swear.
Just saw a maroon grand am stop on my street, the driver opened the door, vomited, and then drove away like nothing happened. Been there, done that.
Why's my alcoholism being used to prove a point?
I can't. He's too cute and my tongue is too long.
I woke up with my left arm looking like it got mauled by a lion. Oo and she said someone broke her car window.
Just realized these events may be related.
I was more traumatized by the table collapsing while i was going down on you.
The look I see on guys faces when they realize my nipples are pierced remind me of when my mom used to come home from the grocery store and surprise me with poptarts.
the cops didn't wanna shut the tailgate down but the strippers weren't allowed to take money without a license or somthing
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I ended up naked with smirnoff caps on my nipples. Dignity is now a completely foreign concept to me.
There is a 1000000% chance you'll be turned down if you try coming on to me while I watch Star Wars.
Apparently while fucking a girl in the ass last night I cracked a molar, trying to find a dentist now.
No one parties "Full Karen". She once broke a couple up at the bar, ate the girl out in the bathroom and took the guy home.
Bill says he deeply regrets the incident with the soda bottle
i don't know when underwear became an acceptable clothing choice for parties, but god help me i hope this isn't a passing trend.
Randomize
