i either bought an eighteen year old girl or i'm engaged to her... i'm not quite sure
You were asking people if they could pee on you while you shotgunned beers
Just donated money to a kid for her softball team.
Obviously I'm trying to futher our next generation of lesbians. I may be hitting on her at the gay bar in ten years...
i just licked mashed potatoes off my blackberry. i'm not even ashamed to admit that to you.
So my ex just cheated on her current bf w/me and now there's a car coming to take me to Vegas... Is this really my Thursday night?
I hate you.
Dude the animal human society told us we could get a dog when we came back sober. I cant wait.
she made a facebook for her toddler.. his likes include lil wayne and ice luge. He has more friends than i do. I mean, Seriously? there's not enough booze in the world to make thanksgiveing bearable
I mean it was like cry my eyes out or masturbate in my moms bathroom.
This essay is so getting done. I am spurred on by thoughts of test-driving your newly shaven face by sitting on it as soon as humanly possible.
MAYDAY. glass in foot, have crush on guy with mullet.life is over.
My condoms might be a little big for you but hey, a big sweater is better than no sweater at all when it's cold right?
Pizza rolls are incredible. They are like sex, except I have them sometimes
Just broke into the basement of my house via my american red cross blood donor card. I officially save lives
Dude you where on that lil kids bike at 2 am ridin down the turning lane wearing only socks and a helmet singing born to be wild, no you weren't that fucked up
So, I can officially cross "getting eaten out in a church confession booth" off my bucket list.
Randomize
