I can't watch pbs sober anymore
Job is the problem. Drinking, the solution.
So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
FYI: if you have sex in your room with the light on, we can totally see your shadows from the parking lot
Your boyfriend has good rhythm though.
It's like a parade of train wrecks.
I hope you had to get up out of bed and walk across your room to check this text message
I know it may not be fiscally responsible to pregame fifty cent night, but I'm gonna go ahead and do it anyway.
do not get into a discussion with my roommate when im sitting there naked ever again.
His rich uncle has six months to live. I feel pregnant.
When you guys came back from the bar, I thought everyone was a T-Rex - Thats why i was hiding under the table. Never doing shrooms with Drunk people again
Beautiful fucking linguistics Shakespeare, but youre still not doing that to my face
you texted me "dude im face"
it sounded so right at the time
I just found out via Facebook that my old dorm room is now the free condom distribution room on campus...IT'S LIKE THE UNIVERSE KNOWS!
she was puking nonstop out of the car window in the rain during our hour long drive back, we got lot of honks
What's the polite way to say "hey I don't actually want to fuck you, I just swiped right on you because you didn't like me in high school and I needed validation"
Randomize
