i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
do you wanna get some fucking pussy tonight.....THEN DRESS LIKE IT
you just kept yelling "siddle that plaza" til the cab driver said it back...
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
u kept pointing at random guys and making quacking or mooing sounds.
It was his first time doing shrooms and we made him ride in the truck bed. But he kept standing up and yelling when we stopped so we had to keep driving
It's really funny to see the look on the sales lady's face when she asks why you're replacing a painting. "I knocked it off the wall during sex w/ my heels," wasn't what she expected.
She just asked what would happen if you put a vacuum in your butt and turned it on. These are our conversations.
if you guys find pieces of my teeth don't throw them out please
I just need you to stay far enough away that I can't smell your cologne. I completely forget that I fucking hate you as soon as I smell it.
Lol, yeah it'll be fun,but will it be cereal and dick pics fun?
I let a drunk straight girl spank me with a metal paddle at the bar tonight. Remind me to never do that again.
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
Alone, in the dark, eating tacos and drinking vodka. Who's apartment is this?
It’s a good thing I’m the only one in the office today. My boy toy stopped by and now there is jiz all over my desk and couch
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