I am a bulletproof tiger!
Haha. Nice, be careful tonight.
I'm gonna have to get my windshield replaced. Is the keg beat?
Every time I find out someone else from high school got pregnant accidentally, I want to declare victory over them.
I didn't black out, the guy in the Men In Black costume erased my memory
I was surprised he admitted he couldnt keep up. We both knew but usually they dont come out and say it
I'm a 23 year old virgin. I've masturbated in ways you can't even imagine.
everyone at work keeps looking at me like they know I got the herp this weekend
you vomited through the snorkel and onto the back of your head. it was truly amazing
There's a bag in my room with garbage, a thong, fritos, and an electrical cord. I'm assuming it's yours
........yyyyyyeah that's me
How many tongue depressors should I need to steal from urgent care to make samurai armor?
Guess who just rode home in a cop car?! Your Fav flamingo
we came into the house to find you doing shots by your self and when we told you to stop you locked yourself in the bathroom...
did I at least say anything...
you meowed at us and said you're a cat and cats drink for a living
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
So you'd go straight for a fat chick with cheese on her tits?
Yes.
I'm trying to make sure he doesn't drown in the toilet. Because I'm a nice lady.
Took the ex out to the bar, then left with her and her best friend....and you said this was a bad thing.
Randomize
