so I was just driving high and I stopped to let a pinecone cross the road because I thought it was a hedgehog.
so the situation is a+b=c where "a" is how much you weight, "b" is my gravitational pull, and "c" is how erect your penis is.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Hungover. Be in at noonish. Turn my monitor on and put a hot cup of coffee on my desk so the boss thinks I'm in
this morning i realized i came home with more condoms then i left. burn.
When she was giving me head last night it felt like there was a NASCAR pit crew working on my dick.
First and foremost she's my friend, but she's also a mistake I make when I'm drunk
sooo what's the appropriate music to listen to after you find out the dude you been fucking, is legit married with kids...what genre is that?
I need to stop going to bars and yelling "I could be teaching your kids one day, bitches!"
Lets be real here, you loved it when I was on top. With and without the machete.
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
You know you're doing college wrong when you have to bail your RA out of jail
I'm disproportionately drunk. But I also spelled disproportionately right twice so maybe I'm not that drunk
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
The cat's telling me to stop taking acid, and to start doing the lords work. I'm almost 99% sure he's talking about the dark lord.
THIS CAT'S GOING TO TURN INTO A SNAKE AND KILL ME! GET OVER HERE NOW! BRING YOUR WAND.
Randomize
