Well douche your snatch and let's go!
Left for charity run at 5AM. Saw a pigeon eating last night's vomit and a pair of shame-walkers in high heels. Nature at it's finest.
i'm just sitting here going through her tagged pics, covering up different parts of her face to try and figure out exactly what it is that makes her so ugly.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im not spending 10 to get hit on by potential transexuals even if they are cuter than most of the girls I dated.
It's like we come as a package. Your slogan should be "be in my family, sleep with my roommate."
My slogan can be "bonding the family together. One dick at a time."
spending today hungover and untagging myself from all the pictures of me kissing girls so grandma doesnt have a heart attack. how was your new years?
I'm just gonna yell "SURPRISE ME" and see what happens. No way this could go wrong
Who are you, and why are you in my phone as Elf on the Shelf
Sometimes you have a glimmer of a heart and then I immediately remember you are dead inside.
At least they play good movies in the waiting room of the pregnancy resource center.
HahahahahaHAHAHAHAHAHAHA MY LIFE IS A CAUTIONARY TALE
Pinterest knows I’m getting divorced
Instead of going to my moms birthday party I went over and gave him head. I should win non girlfriend of the year award
RESIST THE DICK
thats like telling me to resist drinking water. impossible.
Randomize
