Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
I was so drunk i thought Kathy Griffin was funny
So, apparently, "i expected your penis to be bigger" isn't good pillow talk.
Its kinda awkward hearing him say the food taste like ass considering what he did last night.
I just realized that two weekends in a row we ended up in a bathroom with two different boys asking us for a threesome. does this happen to everyone?
Should we discuss the rug burns on my back or just save that for a separate conversation
NEVER LET ME DO THIS AGAIN I FEEL LIKE I'M GONNA SHIT MYSELF TO DEATH ARGHHHHHGHHG IS THIS WHAT DYSENTERY FEELS LIKE
I poured somre cereal, realized the chocolate to flake ratio was off, tried to fix it by digging through the box, gave up because of the difficulty level, and poured it back in the box. Being high is the best diet.
Her rack rivals that of the deer I shot last season. You need to get after that.
Were you citizens arresting people again last night?
sweet Jesus, who thought 13 martinis was a good idea? 11 was probably sufficient.
OF COURSE I FUCKED HIM! Did you not read the part about him having red and green Christmas condoms?
so I'm walking to my last final while opening my giant red bull and i look over to my right and the guy beside me had one too and was looking back at me. without missing a beat he pulls out a bottle of jager, pours half in mine, half in his and goes "cheers"....i'm not even mad i probably failed my final
I have finally found someone I enjoy for reasons that do not necessarily include his dick
I put the child locks on after I put you in the car and you then screamed, "I am a Phoenix, you can't restrain me. I NEED TO FLY!"
Randomize
