non applicator tampons are so hard to put in when your drunk. i fingered myself for 10 minutes and forgot what i was trying to do.
tonight's goal was "most regrettable decision" and you bring wine coolers?
Wow anytime a scalper has i need tix written on the back of a franzia box thats a trusted seller
i feel sorry that you can never enjoy the feeling of shaved balls
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
having sex with him is like cage fighting mixed with pilates...the condoms didn't stand a chance...
I drank butter last night, who am I to judge?
I sent him an 18 page sext. He's going to have a good morning.
I think people like me is why alcohol became illegal at one point
That awful moment when there is no more beer and you find yourself considering tequila and aloe juice.
I'm watching Pretty Woman alone and weaving a basket for Fiona. This is my life.
I'm sorry if you weren't drunk enough to be peer pressured into the naked dancing/group make out that transpired last night
I actually feel bad for him. He has me as a girlfriend and he's like a saintly cleanly person... And I'm over here telling him to jizz on my back and shit.
Sooooo have your ex-girl console you over your ex ex girl that you destroyed said ex-girl over the possibility of
I wish the guy in the stall next to me would stop moaning while taking a dump.
I wish you'd stop texting me from the toilet.
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