She was so high she ate a little piece of weed off her pants and thought it was food.
She's not depressed. She's just sober. It's like the same thing.
only 75% of american men are circumcised...i guess this was bound to happen to me someday.
And we should impose a 'friends don't let friends order 25 shots at last call' rule
I just had a threesome in the back of my mom's van. I'm pretty sure the rest of my week is going to be epic.
LOOK AT MY HAIR, DOES THIS LOOK LIKE THE HAIR OF A PERSON WHO HAS HER LIFE TOGETHER?
i sucked his cock and got snuggles in return. I'm the mother Theresa of giving in a relationship.
I remember because you made a pirate noise when you came.
There's no way I'm ready for marriage. I have too many pics of other guys' junk on my phone for an eternal commitment right now.
Wait, tell the rest at happy hour. I wanna be able to interrupt you with my loud cackles and stupid questions.
So just what does one wear when attending a sex toy party with ones mother-in-law?
Jeans and a nice top.
"You're the only girl I haven't made out with yet" = worst pick up line ever
"We drove to the deserted part of the parking lot, and that's where we blew each other. It was so romantic."
You need to go! It’s a midwestern wedding - the single girls out there think life ends at 25 if they don’t have a picket fence and family. That’s when your penis introduces himself
I had more orgasms than hours of sleep this weekend. I’m going to keep him around a while
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