I woke up this morning with my shirt on upside down.
You mean inside out.
No, upside down. I ripped the neck hole in the process of getting it around my waist.
Ever since I got married, I've become the MacGuyver of masturbation
It's 10am. I'm hungover wearing a flyers jersey and a phillies hat and eating a cheesesteak. I'm not the only one. Best city ever.
at roughly 3:30am you called me saying you were gonna start a big game of strip twister in politics class and i was your partner.
i'm in that phase where i'll swallow anything except food
History professor is at the bar. Hurry! There's only so many A's he could give before it starts to look bad.
Lucas & I had a photo shoot with her cape & I had child arm floaties on most the night.. woke up in a spiderman bed
Also, if he asks how he's doing orally I can probably ask if we're exchanging Christmas presents?
You kept trying to make cocktails with my protein powder last night...
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
I just tried to get a motorcycle cop to give me a ride....he told me not to ask strangers for rides
Well, I can't remember Thursday and my left ass cheek hurts like hell, I'm guessing Mike's bachelor party was a success.
Since when do my one night stands start sending you friend requests?
Fucked him in a graveyard. Need plan b.
Ummm so he didn't think I was serious about breaking up... Most awkward conversation ever
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