Too bad my picture didn't come thru. It was one of me naked riding a unicorn with a wizard hat and a magic staff. And the unicorn had wings. And me too.
The verizon commercial has a magical pinata. Candy just keeps coming out. It must be a portal to a candy universe.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
No, I'm only going to drink half my paycheck. That's the responsible thing to do.
Why do I feel like I used to feel when I almost got caught looking at porn when I get caught looking at facebook at work
just walked past a group of stoners who were staring open jawed in the spice aisle. tonight they will stumble upon something amazing.
i've decided to use this saturday afternoon to take care of my pube situation
Stop treating my vagina like a slapchop.
you are never too drunk for berry picking
Look, opening a Guinness with a steak knife and nearly cutting your finger off to make another carbomb is always a good idea.
Hit a new low. I'm FB stalking him while he is lying in bed sleeping naked next to me. He fell asleep with FB still open and unlocked on his iPad.
A homeless guy wouldnt accept my granola bar because he didnt have any teeth. I think i win the prize for the ultimate rejection
I just realized that I have dated 5 unemployed guys...and 3 that drove pt cruisers...Turns out I do have a type.
I just shook glitter of my birth control packet so I’d say it’s safe to say it was a good weekend
What did you do with the dog when you went into the club?
coat checked
Randomize
