Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
He's trying to wipe up all the spilled drinks with a banana
my dad just referred to me and my boobs as 'the three of you'
I really need to stop coming home drunk and lint rolling my rabbit.
sitting on the counter. eating honey. crying, because coldplay sounds beautiful on the radio. highhhhh as the sky
Please tell me why 'cock-a-thon' was auto saved in my phone.
I hope there's a soldier with a Bedazzler just going to town right now.
I walked into your room and you had fallen asleep smoking a cigarette. You just had the butt in your mouth with ash all over your face.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
My mom just called hysterical. She and her sister found my dead grandma's vibrator.
The apple don't fall far from that tree.
I just got high and swiffered the bathroom floor....2 for 2 on brilliant life ideas
I keep track of what day of the week it is by my recent destinations on my nav system. \nRight now it's: booty call, bar, booty call, brunch, bar, church so that must mean we are getting close to Sunday when we start the rotation all over again.
The air I exhale reeks of whiskey and bad decisions
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
Randomize
