Wow, your whole life is a joke regardless of the fact that its april fools day
I just realized I haven't had steady access to a woman's body since I was breastfeeding.
I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
ya i looked horrible drunk and pregnant isn't a good combination
Are you still giving blowjobs?
Who is this?
He gave them shots of purell and called it "acid rain" jello shots. They took them.
I hate freshman.
My horoscope told me I'm getting laid tonight. Please don't make the stars be liars
Dude you were sitting on a bench on the street with her for 45 minutes thinking you were on the bus
I said that I'm avoiding parties and guys, and the freshman girl just laughed
When you pick me up at the airport, please have some sort of drugs on hand.
Do you remember peeing in the sink while I was throwing up?
No ma'am, I do not. I found a video of us trying to do a trust fall though. Emphasis on the trying.
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
You need to stop telling people you gained weight over the holidays. You've been fat since July.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
But we have bathrooms and they dont
Randomize
