I just counted my steps so I know when you start looking for you on my way back from the bathroom
You know how us drunks love counting steps
now i know why i became what i already was.
I'm convinced that Kathy Griffin and Andy Dick are the same person...
Look at the bright side...I have an 11 inch penis
We ended up on a hotel balcony in Daytona where she lured a seagull down with a pizza crust she found in her purse and preceded to grab it out of the air by it's neck.
well you decided to make everyone "drinks" which was sprite and beer mixed.
Hey, I didn't ask that stripper to put her unds in my mouth, it was just covered by the plus package fee I ordered.
You said "sustain yourself" quietly over and over as you fed joeys hamster cashews. Acid you is a trip
Never backflip into an above ground pool. I think the gash will be smaller by Monday though.
I vaguely remember taking a yard light, holding it up like the statue of liberty, and all of us at the party chanting the national anthem. What a glorious night
Obviously he considers you not fucking him as fucking up. Thus making him fuck up. Based on this I believe he should be disqualified from the race to your vagina.
I still can't get the taste of her nipples and the udon noodles out of my mouth
all i tweeted was "emergency this is not a drill" and he immediately texted me asking if this was a subtle booty call…it was
my hair smells like a mixture of fireworks and rotten eggs with a hint of shame. it's so strong it's keeping me awake.
We're going through the drive-through at mcdonalds while pulling sam behind us in the wheelchair and having them hand him the food. Let me know how this went in the morning
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