is it bad if my mug shot looks better than my profile picture?
Just put the gallon of milk in the microwave. Dad might know im high.
How can you turn a kayak date down? I'M TALKING RIVER HEAD HERE.
on the list of things i learned today that are not stripper poles: ex-boyfriends, table legs, and police officers.
The forest. Magic mushrooms. Wind trees leaves sky. That is alll.
MASS TEXT! MASS TEXT! Your sad horny friend has finally gotten it in and can go back to being normal once again. You're welcome.
You say you're gonna take rehab seriously... but i keep imagining it as a training montage for you preparing to snort all of columbia.
That actually is really sweet of you
It was like I was playing the clarinet on his penis. And I just kept saying I'm sorry.
I want to just live in between your butt cheeks.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
Someone somewhere has a picture of me vomiting in a bus stop trash can while a drag queen held my hair for me.
Pride claims another victim
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
I support your vibrator fueled lifestyle.
I smell like Dick and happiness
I really wanted you to make me eggs this afternoon. I even wrote it on my hand to remind myself.
Randomize
