Phease come get me i thought i was in a place i don't even understand
Every time a guy reaches down to touch my vag, i feel really sorry for all the transgender girls who still have a penis there.
That's weird cause every time i feel a girls vag i feel way worse for all the guys who reached down there and got a penis.
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I wonder what a non-hungover friday at work is like
Just checked my recent transactions online. Between the hours of 1 and 3am on September 30th, I went to 7/11 4 times. Unacceptable.
He leaned out the window to puke right as the fan for the ac turned on. All of it blew back up into his face.
Just gave some kid head in the library. Perfect way to end the semester.
turns out that the cat the james was trying to catch was a raccoon. call me when you get this, i need an ER buddy
the upside of dating someone over 21: he can buy me a pregnancy test AND a bottle of wine when he goes to cvs for me
Yeah.. I'm sorry I broke your phone. But in my defense you handed me the frying pan.
Zak is like the Picasso of masterbatory texts
well I didn't shave for the hot dilf I banged last week so I'm sure as hell not shaving for you. Sry
Did you actually just quote Ace Ventura during a sext!?
You know it
Dammit now I have to marry you
I don't know how I got home but I'm pretty sure the guy in my closet had something to do with it
I took it as a sign from the lord above that she wanted me to creep on these men.
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