if your leaving for the weekend then im farting on your pillow
I feel violated. a guy just did an ultrasound on my balls. He made eye contact..
I just sneezed alcohol in a candle and started a fire.
The night was doomed the minute I started taking shots with an apple as a chaser.
So much for not drinking this week after this weekend.. Congratulations. U made it until tuesday.
I think that girl got really offended when I made out with baby Jesus.
So would it be tacky to offer my services as a future attorney as an engagement gift for her?
there's no way I could forget finding someone else's hand in my pants
Just assume that every drink in that house has alcohol in it.
nm just hungover. watching movies and roasting marshmallows in bed, over a candle to avoid life
I think I need to start sobriety testing my Tinder dates.
I gave my girlfriend a ring to celebrate our anniversary, she thought It was an engagement ring. Now im getting married and I don't know what to do.
Thanks for ruining my life with your man penis
He just got home after serving 5 years in prison. And I think I may courtesy fuck him. Best Christmas present ever.
She was blowing air into green onions and tying knots in them to make "balloons"
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