All I want to do is go home, strip down to my pants, get in the shower and pee down my leg
Denmark girl wants me to go out but i remembered shes a raging whore with extremely questionable morals. Not feelin that tonight
so he shaved. down there. and before he took his pants off i thought it was hot but then all i could think about were the naked mole rats from 7 grade science class.
We argued about the championship during sex. Absolutely the manliest moment of my life.
I lost my virginity in that bed. You just layed in history.
So you threw a sword at me last night
I honestly wish I could say that I was surprised.
he said he would handcuff me to his penis. thats not even possible. i want to go home.
Just fucked in a kitchen. I never want my penis that close to knives, stoves, or blenders ever again.
I drank half a bottle of wine while watching the Olympics opening ceremonies. I catcalled at handsome athletes. Stop me.
Just made a floating bacon boat for the hot tub. This is what America is all about.
I can't believe i just offerred a guy a burrito and head, and got turned down. Officially celibate now.
So this is what it's like to wake up with someone else's blood in your nose...
what happened last night?
we watched you eat an entire bag of dorritos in the pouring rain... you refused to come inside
The lady at the liquor store in my hometown just gave ran around the corner and gave me a hug when I came back from being gone for a couple months. My life is complete.
He woke up and decided to go for a swim in the lake... At about 3am... With his dogs
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