I told him I would sleep with him if he could name all the colors of the wind.
I'll go out only because I know the starving children in third-world countries would frown upon us if we let an hour of free sangria go to waste...
It's a good deal. He teaches me how to longboard, then we have sex
What's bad is when she said "what hobo did you steal this dick from?"
I woke up using a pile of socks as a pillow. I think theyre clean so thats a plus.
is there a way to sugar-coat "shes in jail" when someone is texting me asking where their friend is?
Well I woke up naked, with a santa hat on, and a bag of beef jerky next to me. So yeah, I would say it was a pretty successful trolley
WHY DO I KEEP FINDING CHICKEN THROUGHOUT THE HOUSE? GET YOUR ASS HOME NOW!
Jesus I should have learned from my first marriage not to get married again
We probably are going to die. So. Thanks for agreeing to be my Maid of Honor even though I torture you.
the best part is that i get to keep the pot plants and he still has my name tattooed on his ass
Vodka for breakfast. With a side of Frankenberries. Don't judge me.
What the hell do you do when your fuck buddy leaves to go for a piss naked and 20 minutes later hasn't come back and can't be found anywhere in the house or outside but has left his phone, tee shirt and shoes in your bedroom.
I don't think there is a pre defined social etiquette for a lost naked fuck buddy now roaming the streets.
Imma make him fuck me with my jersey on tonight while I chant Go Jets Go. Gotta love playoff hockey szn.
Im so sorry for peeing on your chest.
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