Just brushed my teeth...forgot we used this toothbrush in bed last night.
You're the unicorn of the gay community. Unbelievable and unattainable.
so he came in my eye... should i throw out my contacts?
you made wolf sounds and yelled "team me" the entire movie
she refuses to pay for the plan b and so do i. it's the most dangerous game of chicken i've ever been involved in. but i have my pride.
dont worry about it. i always have emergency bong water with me
My neighbor asked me to tell you to stop changing in front of their house. Do I even want to know?
You guys better make it up to the cabin in time for mud wrestling on Saturday. I'm not kidding. You know when I joke, and now is not one of those times.
I think she faked a seizure to get out of it ...
He had a shameless baby voice when he was talking to my dog. There's no way I'm making it through the night with my clothes on.
Smoked all day yesterday and even more today. Just survived high dinner with mom and sister. Thought I might eat the whole table
Also, I guess I made friends with the guy who caught me peeing behind a bush.
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
He hasn't touched a vagina in two and a half years. THIS IS WAY TOO MUCH PRESSURE TO BE UNDER
I just found a grey hair. On my nipple. Fuck you too, Mother Nature.
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