it hurts more in the daytime
He's been grabbing my ass as a greeting since 2004, sex was overdue
I am trapped in a bar with french tattooed drug dealers who also blow glass art. Just in case this is bad, know what happened.
I thought I walked in on an orgy of smurfs. Man I love shrooms
You're really doing everyone a disservice by wearing pants all the time.
but I'll probably watch some porn later so it's not a complete waste of a Saturday night.
He kissed my hand AND my forehead. I don't think this virginity business is for heartless whores like us.
During your work shift I was either: a) stoned. b) high. c)stoned. or d) high.
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
I'm never drinking again. I saw way more penises than I ever cared to see last night. And I've decided that I'm going to live in Scotland.
I need an explanation for both of these epiphanies.
The sad part is I didn't even want to get laid. I just wanted the emotional connection, but my vagina was screaming "TOUCH ME. TOUCH ME RIGHT NOW BECAUSE MY DADDY ISSUES ARE MUCH DEEPER THAN MY EMOTIONAL NEEDS!" Vodka has a way of getting me out of my emotions and gets me fucked every time.
Maybe snorting K off penises isn't healthy
Then James put his arms through the window and grabbed him, like he was Robocop. A nerdy, portly Robocop.
Who is this?
I finally got my restraining order in the mail. Was that supposed to upset me? I'm just over here like "TELLEM BOY BYE!-\nlegally..."
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Randomize
