you said youd get me home safely, you dropped me off at 9:30 last night and i just woke up on my porch.
I hope im prettier
yea, just so you know this whole self-loathing thing is getting pretty fucking annoying
Girl just texted me a pic of her boobs with the caption "don't think I'm a whore"
Well.. considering he unknowingly dated a prostitute, I consider myself the winner in that break up.
I was relieved after I found the unopened condom in my pocket. Then I found the open one in the other pocket..
I can't right now...you know Sunday night is whn I get drunk and do laundry.
Dude, she got on top of me, grumbled in a low voice "I'm going to make you remember me", and then farted.
I want to see boobs tonight. Like, real ones. Your ones.
I'm romantic.
Seriously, I woke you up with tacos, I think I deserve the best girlfriend ever award
Security deposit gone.
burned down garage with fireworks.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
doing squats while I brush my teeth.. gotta keep the booty in check
Packing for college has become a game of where did I hide my sex toys.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Thanks to you I can't show my boobs tomorrow for the interview.
You came in wearing a whipped cream bikini what did you think would happen
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