I'm gonna start referring to my vag as my ladygarden
its simple. when his lips are on my clitoris i want to marry him. when they are speaking i want to kill him.
If I won't even leave the house for sex tonight. I definetly not going out for anything else.
Sometimes you gotta take the crosseyed stripper. fuck it
yea, their son has been arrested on more than one occassion, their daughter is pregnant and their other daughter graduated but she was adopted, so clearly genes are everything.
Drinking franzia alone at noon watching a cheese themed episode of "The Chew" I'm ready to admit I need a job.
My sister was not impressed when she got here. I was standing in the doorway in my underwear drinking a beer. At 2pm. On a Monday.
He puked in the voicemail. That's a true friend right there.
Living in the dorms has served one purpose and one purpose only for me: to teach me that pooping in public bathrooms is okay and that I can do it
At this point, if I'm not getting fucked by a man in ONLY cowboy boots, it's not worth it.
Basically taped my dick down because it's too obvious in this costume...
While all of the skanky girls from the crowd got on stage we screamed fair game and scoped out all their boyfriends, she made out with 2, this is what we call taking advantage of the situation
I use my feet as sexual weapons
That portable toilet under the bed? Turns out it was a tuba. Explains alot.
i love how you, my friend, sends me a picture of herself wearing a shirt that says "i am dead inside" and i'm just like "awww baby you're so cute"
that's just solidarity
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