You are the one person I know will appreciate this- and I'm aware that its nearly 5 am- but I have 3 words... G spot orgasm. BE JEALOUS
it was almost as awkward as hearing my parents on friday nights in 2 in the morning starting, and than hearing at 2:01 my dad getting up and my mom going "i should have married a man"
I hate myself for saying your mom and I have the same friday nights.
don't worry... so do I
He said we were driving the golf cart through the woods screaming 'iceroad truckers' for four hours in the dark
Is there a nice way to say "I like you, but I hate your dick?"
she was masturbating to a video of herself masturbaing. She's a keeper
There's a treasure map on your stomach. Treasure may or may not be the clothes you lost...enjoy
Status Uddate: I lost half a tooth and Alison is taking Amy Grant requests via bullhorn
they still hired me even though my background check came back with a warrent for my arrest.
You told her dad that you were gonna "superman that ho" I love the first impressions you make
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
DUDE I FINGERED JOE'S MOM, PLS DONT TELL HIM, MORE LATER
at one point, you reached into your purse, pulled out a tampon, and proceeded to rub it on your lips like chapstick... that drunk
Hey how're your balls?
Don't ever let me helicopter again.
If you survived your 72 hour masturbation marathon put on some pants and come over. My mom dropped off a lasagna.
If I told the doordash driver it's national nudity day, think he'd still report me for being topless at the door?
Randomize
