I was worried if he didn't show me his penis, he would kill himself
Ways to know you did something wrong: you sugar-coated it for your therapist.
dude I just realized something - girls return my clothes washed so in thought bringing girls home is like avoiding going to the laundramat
Mission leave-the-puke-on-the-floor-til-the-dog-eats-it completed. I work smarter not harder
I remember convincing the limo driver to smoke with us and if he did I would name my first son after him.
Is it cum slut, cumslut or cum-slut? Sexting, plz advise ASAP
You were yelling at the bowl of salad and telling it to quit taunting you and telling you to go to tacobell
You should know me better than that. I don't whore around. I promise this is a blowjobs only kind of trip.
Is it love? I honestly haven't even thought about watching porn for over a week now, and haven't thought about fucking any strangers either. It's quite eerie.
He paid me $20 to swallow a baggie of glitter, which turned out to be the best decision I've ever made. My vomit has never been prettier.
And then the templeton police were like "oh I remember her, yeah the blue haired girl that we picked up cause she was passed out drunk on the side of the road"
The annual Father's Day Wake and Bake has been canceled due to lack of hustle.
My boss just texted me, clearly drunk, and said get down here pronto with a handle of rum, 50 lbs. of cold cuts, and a BB gun. This is not why I went to law school.
This might be the worst thing you've ever done.
Really? I feel like I've done worse. Guess I gotta step my game up.
Sometimes I just take my boobs out of my shirt so they can get some fresh air
Randomize
