new rule: i'm not touching his penis until he takes me out to dinner.
you know, if you actually abided by that rule there would be many more successful restauranteurs in ohio.
cat food counts as protein by the way
just fought my dog for the chicken pie I dropped on the floor.
We played shuffleboard at the bar last night...another sign we are getting tooooo old.
The stripper had a daughter my age and offered to introduce us. I didn't know what to say to that.
A beer is a heart your wish makes!!!
I am compiling a playlist that reminds me of all my best sexual encounters. It shall be called THE MUSIC OF MY VAGINA'S PEOPLE
Is this the 6 foot tall blonde I screwed in the bar last weekend?
In the bar?! Very impressive! But keep guessing!
Not blacking out at our finals party is my Everest
I woke up with a stapler in my ass. Don't even complain to me.
The only rule I'm making for myself tonight is to not drink out of the sink at the bar.
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
Clearly I was drunk when I met them I gave them a muffin. But they sure remembered me
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
Can you get an STD by sharing underwear? Walk of shamed home and realized I was wearing someone else’s panties
No one knows. This doesn’t happen to normal people.
Randomize
