it was terrible. i could've done a better job by myself.
Climbing onto the roof in a dress and high heeled boots was probably not the best idea, especially after all that Bacardi.
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
While I faked being asleep, he literally prayed to God out loud, asking for forgiveness for losing his virginity before marriage.
You are softly singing to the wall while slow dancing with it. I feel as though you should discontinue this behavior.
Really, thanks for buying me caribou, it helped me out. Today will forever be the day I threw up in a caribou cup in the skyway outside of chipotle.
My mom got me high and then dropped me off at a church.
I've abandoned trying to find a logical explanation of your life.
I'm not trying to be dramatic but if someone makes you choose between getting a Brazilian or dying. For the sake of your sanity just fucking die
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
I have a strong contender for the new number 1 position for fwb. He met me at the door with pizza and a shot of patron
I ask for a dick pic and he sends a picture of Dick Cheney. Who does that?
I was just drinking but now I'm drinking and chasing with red bull. I call this "getting ready for work"
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
he made that chewbacca noise when he came. like father like son i guess.
First non virgin Sunday. Bursts into flames.
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