So how come you never look me in the eyes anymore when we make love?
i feel like im doing the pre-walk of shame..like every car that drives by is like, ooooo look at that girl, in that itty bitty dress, yep shes about to get her skank on tonight...
just got a hand job during a movie in class today is gonna be great!
There are GROWN MEN with fake HP wands flinging curses at me in Walmart.
That's funny. Are they weird looking???
OF COURSE THEY ARE WEIRD LOOKING, THEY ARE STALKING ME IN WALMART. WITH. FAKE. WANDS.
Tonights theme there is the 7 deadly sins. Greed, envy, sloth, gluttony, sluttiness, fellatio and vodka.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
We looked at pictures of a Texas banjo contest from 2006 for a half hour and then were surprised by who won. That stoned.
thank god we only have to drink eggnog and rum once a year. It taste like shit.
they adjusted my tv to black and white ... i thought i drank myself to colorblindness
Why wake up next to a guy when you can wake up next to a bag of chips and not have to worry about what kind of std you might've caught
He was stoned and starts screaming, "I ain't got but a dollar, I wanna hear waterfalls!". Maybe he can hang with us....
I think God is sending me all these 20 year olds to make up for wasting my 20's in that crappy ass marriage. Thanks Big Guy!
Your skill with memes is vaguely frightening
its been well over a year and hes still saying sex with me was epic
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
Randomize
