There were 3 chicks in my bed I didn't know when I got home. Now I know all of them. Biblically.
His mom made me a necklace that i am supposed to wear to prom. She included a note with it, which had a star trek quote. What have I gotten myself into?
I'm having a terrible night. Can I sleep over?
Too tired to pretend that I care : (
i told her parents not too worry the way i do it girls dont get pregnant
you should just get pregnant. that way you don't need to decide on a career.
On a scale of one to Chris Brown, how angry are you?
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
Its not even 10am and we are talking about what guys assholes we would finger.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
Honestly, I've had enough of his asshole to last me the new year.
Please tell me you're talking about his personality.
Classic dick move. Breaking up your buddies 3-some by coming into his room and doing the Harlem Shake.
I signed the divorce papers. Can I get a blowjob now?
The doctor said that if they accidentally damage my nerve endings I could permanently lose feeling in my lower jaw.. Honestly the first thing that came to mind was how that would affect my blowjob skills.
I think the pizza guy was in shock..
Well I didn't mean to answer the door only in socks but I mean come on, 4 hours of sex works up an appetite! I WAS RAVENOUS
I would throw a dart into the Olympic ceremony and fuck whoever it hit
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