yeah, i liked him til i heard he had a sac that could apparently smother my face.
They're drinking Schnapps out of Spaghetti-o's cans. Please come pick me up.
Went to the doctors. She saw my " I love beer" tattoo. All she said was " My drunken tat is of just one word. "Cornnuts.". Then said Mexico was "awesome." And sent me on my way. Yeah. She's my favorite doctor.
You love me.
That's because, tragically, I adore whores.
there's just a random girl here singing about how much she loves fiber
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
He googled the address of the bar, then sent me a text saying "6.3 miles. Too far. :( Apparently I am only worth a 5 mile radius.
Your expertise in crazy bitches is needed.
He puked in the funnel and continued to chug it. Who is this dude?
He was wearing a tux and a big sombrero so it automatically made the flute he was playing totally cool
Well tech shes born nov 12, but since her head was out on the 11th, she claims both days as her birthday
THIS IS THE 11TH FUCKING COFFEE TABLE THAT YOU AND RICHARD CRASHED THROUGH.
I'm surprised me and Richard survived 11 of your coffee tables.
YOU TWO ARE BUYING ME A NEW ONE I AM PISSED.
Meeting him up for him to pay half of the Plan B was awkward but worth it cause I'm broke as fuck
Hillary said in her victory speech "We're gonna come together". I've got a lib-boner.
let’s face it, me joining a co-ed soccer league is like, 33% motivated by my crotch seeking a healthy outlet
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