i just shit an entire soup salad and breadsticks from the olive garden... bud light wins again.
it turns out vodka filled condoms arent that funny
I miss seeing your mom and dad at church, well mostly just your mom... She used to hug my face into her boobs.
You know you have a great job when you need a DD home from work at 6pm.
I DON'T CARE WHAT THE CIRCUMSTANCES ARE NEVER VOMIT IN MY PURSE AGAIN.
Eh, not fuck buddies. I prefer sexercise partner.
just let her blow you already, it's practically animal cruelty at this point.
good it was pretty cute, also what would bong water do to a puppy?
Nothing like a marijuana chart of usage in each country to make me understand math.
He came up to me looked at my tits said they were huge, rated them a 7 and then asked if girls really do masterbate. To make it better, he put his hand up to my face and said his penis is longer than my face...
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
i forgot to brush my teeth before I went over so i went to the bathroom and started eating his toothpaste. we're still in the early stages of fuckdom
Dear Jesus. Send me strength to not suck cock this morning.
I was looking at our sex bingo and pretty much every single row or column has at least one kind of person that is harder to find than all the rest
We've made things harder for ourselves
The struggle will be part of the fun
your mom was just petting me...I am strangely comfortable with it
Randomize
