just found my calculator watch from 6th grade. the hipster transformation is complete
Guy passed out in the lobby with a keychain sharpie hanging from his belt loop. 1 guest came in and wrote on him, then others saw and got in line. I'm not waking him up.
You told me when we were leaving the club if I could pin point your nipple through your padded bra you would show me if I was right.
I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.
I don't care if we have to swim home from the bar, Im not gonna sit home in the dark and read some fucking book
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Sorry. Not doing life today. Love to. But can't.
He has blue eyes of sex and i am powerless against them
Doesn't tell me where my computer chair went but good to know
I figured it out! The supermoon explains how I managed to have sex with 3 dudes in 3 nights without leaving the apartment.
i don't think fitbit tracks "flipping the fuck out" as activity.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
I didn't know that all of his brothers would be hot and musical too. That's a dick move on behalf of biology.
HE PUT A HOLE. IN. MY. HOUSE!!!
I just got a hug from a random kid in my class. he said I was a champ at the bar last night..someone help me.
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