Got laid at the last second. Facebook chat is good for something afterall.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
When I get home we should play "let's see how many Christmas movies we can watch before we start having sex."
You should imdb "mourning wood" to see what I'm doing with my $80,000 English degree today
If you asked me 10 years ago where I thought I'd be today, I can pretty much guarantee I wouldn't have replied with "buying hemorrhoid cream on Bourbon St at 7am"
Jsyk, in serious talks of trading blowjobs for soup in bed. I'm sober
I told you he wasn't attractive.
Do you think I cared? I was wiping myself with a scarf..
Considering the fact that everyone took the wrong jacket from that party, should we casually try to return the chalice and soccer ball we stole from last night?
I have what looks like a rubber stamp mark on my cock from last night that says "Magic Marla Approved" Do we know a Marla?
So my Mom pointed out my vibrator on the night stand next to my stun gun and reminded me of how much I drink.
I slapped him but he didn't wake up. He just nuzzled my head, hugged me closer, and smiled.
I'n not even sure we went out, but I know we broke into a cemetery.
Sexting my TA in lecture = awesome
You have a penis. Therefore everything you say is automatically wrong.
found a note from drunk me saying "don't worry i fed the mice". WHAT MICE?
Randomize
