I am one bad relationship away from having 30 cats.
I never said you were fat, just too fat for ME
Whoever put the tambourine in the dryer is a douche. Worst hangover wakeup ever
it's like heaven, but drunker
Hooked up with an Aussie chick last night only an Indonesian chick away from completing my lap around the pacific rim
When I said to shut up, I meant it. I'm sorry you have a bald spot now, but it was necessary.
Made a holiday JibJab of all my fucks. How's your night?
You gave your boss a bj to get the safe employee of the month award?
PS: when I ask you if I look fat in a a dress DO NOT TAKE YOUR SWEET ASS GAY TIME to formulate an answer only to tell me in front of our family that perhaps I should buy Spanx. Do you WANT me to tell mom and dad you suck cock? Then be a good brother and have the common decency to LIEEEEEE!!!!
Nothing says casual like stairwell bjs
she's the poster child for how alcoholism can be fun.
Does your Fitbit monitor your liver failure?
He wants me to fart in his mouth and is offering me SOOOO much coke. I'm stuck between a rock and a hard place. GIVE ME ADVICE.
1st date with cop went weird. He yelled at me & we had a horrible date. Walking to the car I tripped & started bleeding & then he made out with me. Is it wrong that I want to see him again?
THIS IS WHY YOU NEED THERAPY!
The work outs are working. Someone just said my body type was “Tits On A Stick”.
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