The girl in the car behind me just took a bowl hit. I miss college.
Alex texted me. Bootycall boy #2. its like an alarm goes off once i'm single that the line is open again
He tried to slow-dance with me in bed. IN BED.
I've hooked up with six guys in my ethics class next semester...I feel like I've failed already
I'm going to knit you a pair of furry handcuffs. And you said that knitting class was dumb.
Sometimes I seriously wonder if I could get away with vodka Sundays at work. Cuz this red bull feels naked.
I feel like satan and death had a baby that took a shit that replaced my brain.
Did I just hear you ask Siri about the meaning of life?
new dating motto: let your guard down, not your panties
Grab some lube and condoms and you get a free shirt? College is weird
No way in hell. Unless I was drunk Tindering again....my swiping finger gets drunk too I guess
I woke up uncovered, spread eagled to my dad saying "you really need to stop sleeping naked."
the walk of shame isn't very shameful when your mom tells you she's proud of you.
When are you getting back?
Well google maps doesn't have an estimated time for crawling... Could be days
he ended the message XOXO, who the fuck does he think he is GossipGirl.
Randomize
